Rambling: I'm a painter?
So, if you follow me on instagram, you may have noticed I paint.
Lets be honest you probably don’t know me from anywhere else BUT instagram. Thats the true reality right? In any case, you may have seen my stories recently including a lot more painting than photography. Well, if you’ve been wondering what the hell “Sarah West Photo” has been up to, wait no longer!
I have always been an “artist”.
Since day one little Sarah was scrawling on paper more than anything else she did. I would spend hours and hours as a child drawing. So much so that I vividly remember wanting nothing more than to be a real artist when I grew up. This held strong until I was in High school, I wanted to go to Emily Carr and be a real painter. Or graphic designer. I wasn’t entirely sure which avenue, all I knew was that art was my future.
Somewhere along the way, things changed a bit. I went through the phase of being “all grown up” as a teen and thought I needed a more realistic idea for my future. Art didn't seem like as much of a legitimate option. Somehow being an athlete made more sense, so I did that. I never stopped drawing, but over time it was put onto the back burner more and more. Through high school I still was apart of art classes, but mostly used it as a subject that I could relax in and release some stress. My last semester was actually two spares, a screen printing class and a fine arts class, the most low key way of exiting high school I could find. I had entered a contest for a “District Scholarship” because I could potentially receive a $500 credit towards school, and most importantly, $500 cash. I definitely could use $500 towards moving to whistler, So I entered, and got one. After my exhibition for the scholarship and graduation I took off to Whistler.
I pursued Slopestyle Snowboarding, then photography and writing. Each brought a lot of incredible experiences and growth to my life. I threw myself into each avenue whole heartedly, as each door closed I would look to the next open one.
It wasn’t until I started travelling 2 years ago that I took to art again.
I had a water colour travel kit and journal that tagged along with me, I liked the idea of contrasting my writing with small paintings of places I would go. Of course I was photographing everything, but taking the time to sit and paint gave me a greater appreciation of wherever I was. It kept up as I added more paintings in, eventually becoming a way to express my feelings. When I was homesick I would sketch mountains, or paint scenes of me on my surfboard daydreaming about home.
It became “my” time. Putting paint to paper was like this cathartic release that I couldn’t get from working out or photography, it felt different to me. I could let my mind go, not thinking about how I’m going to profit off of it or what magazine I could send these to in hopes of getting published. It was just for me.
So I kept it up, even after I came home. I would bring small sketchbooks on hikes and paint the peaks I was looking at. I’d spend a lot of time in camps for work where we had no internet, running water or electricity except for a generator to charge our equipment.
I could pull out my book and sketch the forest service road we where on or the flowers around me and find an appreciation for it.
It wasn’t until this last spring that I dug in deeper.
I wanted to learn more about mediums I haven’t used in years. I had received an acrylic set from my dad for my birthday, and after an unfortunate car breakdown, making me un-able to go on a month long ski trip, I had a lot of time on my hands. I was still doing photography and pursuing that, but I needed my outlet to distance myself from the clutter in my mind again.
I spent a month and a half just painting, learning. Acrylics where no longer so scary and intimidating as I dove in and left watercolours behind. It was this new dedicated hobby I was completely in love with. But just a hobby.
I’ve been a firm believer that when one door closes, another opens.
After I nearly landed what would have been a dream job for me, I drew back from photography. I had invested so much time, money and effort into it that after getting so close, that when it fell through I felt pretty despondent. I think in everyone’s careers or life, you need breaks. It was at that point that I needed one, I was feeling un-inspired with photography and like I was just treading water. Working hard but never getting where I desired. So I stepped back. I started to post less on my instagram and stopped blogging. I barely took photos for months.
instead, I went to my new found “place”. I painted all summer, I relaxed my mind and found this simplistic joy in something that felt so integral to my being as a person. Something truly ingrained into my life, whether I really realized or not, art was my most primary base.
I started to post on my instagram story about it, a lot of people messaged me wonderful words of praise and encouragement ( Thank you to all of you who did! ) And I felt it, but not in the same way as my photos would receive. This felt genuine. I ended up getting a couple of commissions, one watercolour and one large acrylic piece. It was intimidating, I wasn’t a painter. This was a hobby!
But nonetheless, I did them. But it was the funniest thing, It wasn’t work to me. I love photography, but even that felt like work a lot of the time. This felt different. This felt like a calm sense of passion, like I was tapping into this inner self that had just been waiting there.
I realized at one point while doing this massive 83 hour painting that this was the dream I had as a little kid. Little five year old Sarah wanted to be a painter. She wanted to go to an art school and make beautiful pictures that she could share. Create with her own two hands. She wanted nothing more than this. And somehow, 20 years later I had arrived here, working on a painting and being paid for it. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I had gone full circle and landed right back where I started. I knew so whole heartedly as a child that this was me, and here I am.
This version of my life, its pretty nice. I don’t know where its going to take me, but I know that for the most part it doesn’t feel like work.
So I’m going to follow that feeling.
