Rambling: Why I like to suck.
Sorting out bouldering problems in the north and quickly realizing just how hard it is. And how sore my fingers are.
Nobody really loves to be bad at things,
it's not something that most people really want to be known for. Everyone wants to be known for something only they can do, something they excel above the rest at. But for most people, that's not really achievable or It takes a lot of time to get that good at something. But in my opinion, theres a lot to be said at the joys and lessons you learn from sucking.
This past week I figured it was time for me to learn to ski. Not because I felt left out of the mountain community in the winter, no I was very much a part of that. Having been a competitive snowboarder and coach. I know I am good at snowboarding, and not to “toot my own horn” but I’m at least slightly above average compared to the average weekender. But that isn't the point, the point is that snowboarding is normal to me now. It’s not constantly challenging to me. I can eat a burrito or drink a coffee while riding with the kids I coach and it feels just the same as eating and walking. It's not hard.
Of course there are times where I’m challenged on a snowboard, riding steep powder or charging through trees. There’s still a huge amount of learning and improving for me to do, but day to day, not so much. I had a friend growing up who would switch between skiing and snowboarding, usually at the point she started to feel comfortable at one or the other so she constantly wasn't “good” at both. I asked her why, because from my point of view it seemed weird, the whole point of learning to do something was to get good at it. Right? However, she said she kind of liked to suck at a sport. I didnt get it, my competitive side couldn't wrap itself around the concept of liking being bad at something.
I had tried skiing a couple of times throughout my life, when I was a little kid I got dragged up the T-bar by the back of my jacket at Purden in Prince George on a family trip and my skis never came off. Not a good time. Another time I tried with a friend around 13, She could do both ( same one ), we switched gear at the cabin and when we left I received an incredibly brief description of what to do and was left to navigate the narrow treed run back down the hill.
But that last time was Ten years ago now, and I’ve been snowboarding that long. So when my friend and I strapped on our skis this week I felt confident that I would manage and also incredibly terrified. What If I totally sucked? Like, couldn't make it down a run sucked.
The first pitch off the T-bar was a lot of going nowhere. I laughed and made some noises resembling a scream and eventually made it down to where he was waiting for me. It was the most minor thing on the hill, and knowing that had I been snowboarding I literally wouldn't have even thought about it made it so much more weirdly rewarding. Everything I did that day on skis was, in honesty, SO BASIC. And yet, I felt so accomplished doing all of it. Being able to stop without skidding across the whole hill until I eventually slowed to a standstill, or even just realizing that I can't "technically" catch my toe edge, was incredible. And to think my friends who ski make it look so easy, I don't think I've looked more awkward in my life than when I try to jump on skis.
Of course I was fear sweating and making a lot of strange noises but it was actually kind of fun to suck at a sport. Which is something I’ve started to appreciate a lot over the last couple years; Learning something new, sports in particular is a weirdly addicting mixture of frustration and fun. Everything is new! Everything is exciting and you want to push yourself further all the time because its unfamiliar.
I’ve picked up a fair few new sports recently, Surfing, Climbing, Road biking, Mountain biking, Running, Skiing, Backcountry touring. Did I become a master at these because of natural skill?Absolutely not.
Surfing? Yeah I spent seven months doing it overseas and lived in a surf town in Australia, surfing almost every day. Does It mean that I picked it up right of the bat like a freak of nature? No way! I sucked at it, I got worked by waves that where too big for me, I got tired and I fell lots but was it fun? Hell yeah! The amount of time I sucked at it made that one wave I caught and rode well feel SO much better, Even if it was mediocre to people who are really good.
Climbing? Ive done even less of it than I have surfed, I can't even do one unassisted pull up haha! But is it rewarding to push myself on a harder route or struggle away on a boulder problem my buddy just dusted in front of me? Heck yeah, because I pushed myself to do something that I couldn't before. Also fear sweats.
Bike touring for my first time and doing it solo? Why not! pretty straight forward thing right? Did I still feel like I sucked? On every single hill climb as I pushed the weird, heavy metal contraption beside me. Every time I packed my bags up, It felt weird and unbalanced. Each time I crawled into my bivy, my nose touching the damp insides when I turned over I had to accept it because I had no clue what I was doing. But thats the fun part, having no clue how to make this run smoothly and doing it anyways. I cooked a lot of weird grocery store instant meals in my jetboil and burned my tongue every time because I couldn’t wait any longer to eat food.
Its this weird feeling of appreciation and determination that makes sucking at something feel so good. I end up appreciating what I can do well so much more than I would normally, because its something that doesn't register on a day to day basis. Not only that but man the people who do it well are that much cooler for it. And the determination that comes with. Sucking at stuff makes laughing at yourself really easy to do, and that, is a valuable skill.
